Andrew was an accomplished management consultant approaching promotion to partner. His client performance was strong, his technical mastery not an issue, yet he was unsure that he was in the right career. In particular he felt guilty that his chosen profession was at odds with his personal values of equality and fairness. The result was that on occasion he manifested a distinct awkwardness which had difficult consequences for colleagues and clients. The focus of the coaching was a reconciliation of his values and his career. This note is from one of the final meetings in the programme.
Andrew,
I will not repeat the list of your recent experiences that you described to me yesterday afternoon. Suffice it to say that you have the taste of what it means to live according to your own lights and you like that taste.
Your question was – will it endure?
My reply is ‘of course’, and at times you will find it hard. For those moments when things are not so good, we noted three ideas that may help you get back in touch with the way you know you can be:
- Bring to mind the values that you wish for your children, then apply them to yourself.
- Consider how you wish to lead your life – as you are now, or how you have typically been? You can choose.
- Sleep.
Your review with Philip H. is still some weeks away. You wondered whether you will be able to let go of the outcome sufficiently for you to handle that interaction in the manner that you might. I think that you will and, in saying that, am minded of the Zen story, ‘Is that so?’
The Zen master Hakuin was praised by his neighbours as one living a pure life. A beautiful Japanese girl whose parents owned a food store lived near him. Suddenly, without any warning, her parents discovered she was with child. This made the parents angry. She would not confess who the man was, but after much harassment, she at last named Hakuin. In great anger the parents went to the master. ‘Is that so?’ was all he would say.
After the child was born it was brought to Hakuin. By this time he had lost his reputation, which did not trouble him, but he took very good care of the child. He obtained milk from his neighbours and everything else the little one needed.
A year later the girl-mother could stand it no longer. She told her parents the truth – that the real father of the child was a young man who worked in the fishmarket. The mother and father of the girl at once went to Hakuin to ask his forgiveness, to apologise at length and to get the child back. Hakuin was willing. In yielding the child, all he said was ‘Is that so?’
When you tell me the outcome of your review with Phil I wonder whether I will find myself thinking ‘Is that so, Andrew?’
I have really enjoyed our time together.
Thanks and my very best wishes,
Simon
